Shalom!
Join me in a National Day of Unplugging, brought to you by Sabbath Manifesto. This is a noble, important effort at encouraging us to unplug from technology, and turn, instead, back to our families, friends, and selves. It starts tonight at sundown, and ends tomorrow night at sundown.
There are TEN PRINCIPLES to follow:
Ah, my friends, my heart and my tummy hurt today. As I have discussed before, a long-term relationship (4 years) of mine ended in December, 2006. There was a lot that was broken about the relationship, and though it totally demolished me at the time, it was a wise split. I had been living with him, and had to move out quickly. That was what brought me to Jersey City, where I lived for 18 months.
My ex and I gave it another try about 9 months ago - we both felt there was unfinished business, and wondered if we truly were "besheret" - Yiddish for "meant to be." Immediately, the attempt started crushing me again - I started feeling bad about myself, and feeling guilty about my job, my talents, and my personal space. No one has ever made me feel as bad as he does. It was a toxic mix, and I was able to call it quits after a few more months. It provided a great sense of closure for me, and I am grateful that I really got him out of my system.
There was one little hold-over - I still had a few things left at his house. He lives a good 45 minutes away, and I really didn't want to have to take all of that time to go up there and pick up my stuff. Plus, I really didn't want to have to see him again. But, it was time. I had to cut the last cord connecting us.
Lindsay and I drove up to his house today, and I picked up the last remaining items that were the final remains of our life together. I had asked him to put the things on the porch, so that I wouldn't have to see him. Wouldn't you know that he found some reason to come out to "pick up something from his car."
I am furious that he couldn't just let it be, and let me leave. This was the pattern - he never really heard me, or cared about my needs. His needs always trumped mine, which is part of what made me feel so small. Thank goodness Lindsay was with me - she said, sternly, "Okay," which was the signal that everything was in the car and it was time to go.
So, my heart hurts, knowing that it is really final. 99% of me knows that this is such a victory, but 1% is still sad that it didn't work out. At least I am REALLY done with him. There is no reason to have to deal with him again.
Thank goodness.
Well, it looks like JDate has struck again! You may not know this, but many single Jews have had tremendous luck finding partners on the Jewish dating website, JDate.com. In my four years of the rabbinate, I have already officiated at a number of weddings for couples who met on JDate.
Personally, I have had some interesting successes. The last relationship (which you have heard about before) was a product of a JDate match. And we were together for four years (and I am more than pleased that we are no longer together... but that is another story for another time...)! Not bad, eh?
Well, my steady readers may remember that I had recently decided to re-enter the dating scene. I felt ready to start meeting guys again, if only to start getting my feet wet in the proverbial sea of dating (there are always other fish in said sea). Of course, right after I decided to start dating again, I also decided to aggressively pursue surgery on my back. Thus, the big dating plans didn't really happen.
Well, fast forward to two weeks ago - I met a great, new guy on JDate!! Here I am, actively healing from spinal surgery, and I had a date! Crazy, right? I can't even explain to you why I agreed to it, but I just felt that it was the right thing.
Granted, my grandmother died in the middle of the first date..... That's great first date conversation material right there...
But that is neither here nor there.
We have had three dates so far, each one even better than the last. I might really be getting attached to this one.
Over the next few posts, I will tell you more about him, and share with you some of my fears and concerns over dating again (oy, I don't want to get hurt again).
Wish me luck!!!
Why is it so hard to create a healthy balance between relationships and friendships? And am I the only one with this problem? Upon reflection, I realize that I have always had difficulty balancing the time spent, and priorites given, to whomever my current boyfriend was at the time, and my other friends or family members. I really wish I knew how to do this better, and I hope that I am finally learning so that I will do better in my next relationship.
I am now seeing how much my last relationship tore me away from my closest friends. He was so painfully introverted, and socially anxious, that we turned down many invitations to parties, dinners, and other gatherings. Therefore, over time, I lost many contacts, didn't take advantage of others, and consequently, missed out on many wonderful times with my friends. I'm really quite sad about this.
On the other hand, thank goodness that I am out of the relationship now, and thus given the opportunity to rebuild the lost friendships and even build new ones. I am rediscovering my extroverted, silly, and social parts of myself - which I guess I really missed over the last four years!
*****
On a lighter note, I am in complete movie heaven right now. Dirty Dancing was on, and as soon as it was over, Grease started on another channel! Life is good :)
Posts
All Comments
