Thursday, April 10, 2008

Thursday Thirteen - Worst First Date Foods

Time for my second go at a "Thursday Thirteen" countdown. It is a very fun meme that leaves all the creativity up to you!

Last time, I shared my thirteen favorite musical artists. This time, I want to share a list that I have been talking about (and laughing about) for most of my life - the worst foods to eat on a first date. Since I have re-entered the dating world, I have begun to remember many of these foods, as well as their potential date-ruining qualities. By the way, this list applies to men, women, heterosexual or homosexual. I see these as universally prohibited. Feel free to let me know what you think!

  1. Tacos - not only do they give you bad breath, but the insides drop all over your shirt
  2. Spaghetti, Linguini, or any messy pasta
  3. A big bowl of Udon Soup - slurping up those noodles could destroy any date
  4. Falafel sandwich - there is no way to eat this without it falling apart, and all over yourself.
  5. Big pieces of maki - small rolls are okay, but anything that requires two bites, or stuffing the whole thing into your mouth, is not recommended.
  6. Anything cooked in fresh garlic - this will be haunting you all night, and no amount of gum or mints will help.
  7. Fresh onions on a sandwich - same as above. However, if both parties partake of the onion, it may indeed cancel itself out.
  8. Refried beans, black beans, chili, etc. - I don't know about you, but these make me so bloated that I would probably be worried about an embarrassing situation all night.
  9. Corn on the cob - between the juicy eating, the dripping down your wrists, the pieces getting stuck in your teeth, and the subsequent tooth-picking, this is just a big no-no.
  10. Beef ribs- pork ribs, which I no longer eat, are at least a little more manageable. However, beef ribs are ALWAYS messy. They coat your face in BBQ sauce, and even if you cut them up, they still wreak havoc on your face and clothing.
  11. Ethiopian food - this is so much fun for a later date, but first date? Eating with your hands is probably not a good idea. Plus, there is no way to wash the food out from under your nails for a few days.
  12. Milkshakes - for those of us who are lactose-intolerant, this would make our tummies too upset to have a good time.
  13. Too Much Alcohol - please don't drink too much, do something that you would regret, or lose control. Much better to enjoy the moment with a clear head.

Well, what am I missing?


Phyllis Sommer said...

lol - what a great list. although i think if it's the right guy then maybe those would be the right foods to prove that he was the right one? (does that make any sense at all????)

ZILLA said...

I think Phyllis might be onto something.

I had a first date in high school where we both ordered ribs, with spaghetti on the side. It was, after all, his favorite meal at his favorite restaurant, and after several weeks of flirting with me at the grocery store check-out (sigh, he was a bagboy!), he was hell-bent on sharing this dining experience with me.

We both wore white jeans and pastel tee-shirts. We made a few "Shout it out!" jokes, because what else can you do? Later, he turned me onto Beethoven, and we made out: sloppy kisses infused with garlicky BBQ sauce. Delicious, I don't mind confiding.

First date with MrZ, we met for ice cream because he doesn't do coffee. He ordered a single dip of toasted coconut, in a cake cone. I ordered a small lemonade, because I was dehydrated and a little queasy from alcohol-abuse the night before, and I wasn't really all that optimistic about meeting him, having had three-thousand failed first "met-him-on-the-Internet" dates at that point.

To this day, I don't like to watch MrZ eat an ice cream cone. It's just gross. The only reason there was a second date is that I had four kids, and had seen many things over the years that are more disgusting than MrZ lapping up ice cream, talking before he's completely swallowed every bit of it, so that I have to either look away or stare at that viscous white nastiness coating his tongue and teeth.

Just as an aside, for all those guys who think the way to ensure their appeal to women is to bring their dog on the first date, this simply isn't true. Especially if the guy isn't equipped to clean up after the dog when he does his business in the little grassy park outside the ice cream shop. If you bring the dog, bring a baggy. Please.

Worst deal-breaker on a first date? Telling me your ex-wife still maxes out your Target Visa account every month. That's a big fat no-no, fellas. And it's not because I want to be taken shopping at Target. It's because you've clearly got too much unfinished business with that greedy, shopaholic wench.


Sarene said...

I'm blanking on awful first-date foods. I think you covered them all! Oh, and don't forget a whole lobster that you have to take apart -- very messy. And lobster bibs? Not sexy at all!

I have a great awful first-date story though. As we sat down to dinner, he asked me, "Shall I treat you?"

Dude, you don't ask, you just do it!!!!!

(No, it wasn't Andy -- or Steve Silver or Kristian Kime ;-))

The Egel Nest said...

What is a date? Is that a fruit from a tree?


I wold have to include seafood...tastes horrible..smells horrible..not a good love elixir..

The Egel Nest

PS I apologize for my absentee blog visitation...the beautiful wife just got back into town tonight...and it was very busy in the nest!

Anonymous said...

See Please Here

Cooper said...

How about White Castle anything? Aside from the issue that if your first date is at The Castle you should be questioning any sort of relationship to begin with...

Jerseygirl89 said...

Ahh, dating foods. I'd add salad, because they can be messy, hard to eat and no one is turned on by salads anyway.

As for alcohol, I think it's a fine line. I'm pretty sure I would've have stabbed myself with a fork on a few dates if I hadn't been able to have a few cocktails. :)